I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
