I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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