...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
