Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
