I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
