Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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