he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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