I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
