Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
