Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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