DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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