you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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