dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
