Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love having hate sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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