JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
