Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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