My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sponge bath it is.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
