i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
