I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i dont even know how to be here
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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