My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Floor bacon is actually really good
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
