It's Friday. Sex?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i now understand why vodka
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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