Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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