Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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