it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
