glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
