The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
