You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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