So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize