She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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