He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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