The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
