Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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