like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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