two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
vagina is talking i cant
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
