Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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