I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
