I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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