I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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