Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
