I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
