oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
