I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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