when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
