mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
