first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Randomize
