so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
