Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
