Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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