..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
