Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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