I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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