i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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