my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
