I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im holly from the hills drunk
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
