i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
