Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
