Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
