I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
