so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
