I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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