Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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