I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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