i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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