Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
