hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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