i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
