she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
