Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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