he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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