Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
