There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
