Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
