Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
