So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
