i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize