I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
