do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
