I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize